Is there a group on here that deals with this?
Not trying to highjack your thread Reg, you just brought up a significant issue in my life. I am a hard worker when I am working. I'll jump right in to volunteer at an event, forget to take breaks because I'm so focused. I could go outside and do manual labor from sun up to sun down. Spend an entire day on the computer doing research. Ask me to vacuum, wash dishes and fold clothes and I wither inside like a picked flower in the desert. My man works hard all day, now he has to leave work sometimes to take me to my dui appointments too. Even though he goes to bed drunk every night, he remains productive (for now). I have had an aversion to housework way longer than a drinking problem. It seems to have a lot of related thinking though. You'd think keeping a tidy home would be the least I could do since I'm a stay at home mom. Shame on me! After a long day, it would be a very loving gesture to at least make things livably comfortable around here, instead I just think about it, feel anxious and do little. When motivation does kick in, it is usually towards evening. I might find myself in a full swing cleaning mode, but then it's his time for bed for which he insists on absolute silence in the house. I can see the frustration in his eyes as he comes home to the same mess he left. He hasn't said anything yet, but I know the frustration is building and one of these days soon, he is gonna go off on me. Then what? I'll cry because I do feel bad, he can't say anything worse than I am already thinking about myself. I'll deserve it, but then he'll feel bad for blowing up, knowing staying sober has been my focus, but he'll also feel resentful that his reasonable frustration is being stifled. He isn't asking for perfection or overnight change, just effort...a little improvement every day. Normally I am a very sensible and caring person. So why, when it comes to cleaning, do I sound like someone unwilling to quit drinking, despite the misery it is causing me and those around me? Seems like the same poop, just a different pile!