If they say AA is not for them, and therapy is not for them, and only come to us for help, then in essence they do not want help at all.
We can't help them, so they can say they came to us for help, but it is meaningless because we are powerless.
If they really want help, if they really have hit bottom, they will crawl, walk, run, whatever it takes to get that help. My ex said the same things,"AA is not for me, I will no longer see my therapist, I just want to be me!!!" But once I left, and he was left alone in an empty house with a bottle of vodka for company, well two weeks of that and he ran to AA...been there ever since. It's not easy, but he's been sober and working a solid program of recovery for over 11 months.
I got to the point where I realized if my exabf wanted to die more than live, there was no amount of love or support that would change that. And I wanted to live, and be happy and whole. With him or without him.