Hi!!!
I know this is not helpful at all, but I don't think it matters what Mel Gibson's wife or Betty Ford's husband or me or anyone else thinks about whether it's possible to rebuild trust and security in our/their relationships -- the question is, do you think it's possible in yours, and are you willing to take the risk to be disappointed again?
As similar as our relationships with As can be, I don't think anyone else can answer that question for you. Maybe you want hope that you don't have to separate (you don't), maybe you want permission to leave? I know I wanted both, on different days.
Living with an A is stressful. It just is. I know people who are able to distance themselves enough to not be as affected by the stress, but I wasn't one of them. A year ago, I was being evaluated for hormone problems/perimenopause and thyroid issues and adrenal issues... I was a wreck. I feel ten years younger today than I did a year ago, because the daily stress of walking on eggshells and wondering when the other shoe is going to drop is gone.
But I was living with an active, in-denial A. I think you guys have better odds because he's had long periods of sobriety (or just not-drinking?) and because you have AA and Al-Anon as support.
Big hugs to you.