(((Teendoc)))
ok hun, take a deep breathe, you are doing just what you need to do, vent. I am glad to see you do that because it's when you don't that the trouble starts. Know that you have every right to be upset and every right to react the way you did. From your post:
"I called him a lying piece of crap. He says, "no, I'm an addict."
Oh, so that gives you a get out of jail free card, does it? That makes it all better, huh? I don't think so."
Ok, read that again, he is admitting he is an addict. Step 1 tells us to admit we are powerless and our lives have become unmanagable. He is powerless over his addiction, you are powerless to control him. He knows he has done wrong by you, and he knows that you can't just forget it and let it go. Now you will probebly have to lock your computer, that is the natural consequence of his action. This is what he will have to endure, your lack of trust in him, because of this. It is letting him face the consequences of his action.
Ok again:
""Did you use my computer?" He's like, "well, it just happened once after I took apart my computer..." I'm like, "you used MY computer for PORN?" And he mumbles something about being upset after he broke down his computer and how he confessed this to his sponsor. Whatever."
You have no way of knowing if this is the truth or not because no sponser I know of would ever betray confidential information given to them. He is saying he did use your comp for porn, felt guilty about it and talked to his sponser because he saw he had done the wrong thing. That seems to be a step in the right direction, he felt guilty and seeked out his sponser. You won't be able to monitor him all the time, you can't, but it looks like maybye he has an inner voice coming through thats telling him "Hey bud, you just screwed up, what are you going to do about it now?"
You are not the dumbest person in the world, if you are then all of the rest of us are right there with you. I am not condoning what he did, he was wrong and that can't be disputed. What I am attempting to do is point out some things that appear to be going right and heading in the right direction. When your in love with an addict and trying to work things out, every positive step counts. This may happen again, it may even happen more than once before he can get it right. You need to focus more on you, how you feel, how you think, how you react to him. How you are letting this affect you and look into ways to deal effectivly with that reaction. This is no different than an alcoholic who has been caught having a drink. And in this program it is about YOU and how you react to it. I hope this has been a little bit of help to you, we are rooting for you here, know that your not alone. Keep talking and keep trying, many hugs to you...Teggie