The Lovely Porn Video I Found On My Computer
I am so furious right now. My husband and I just spent a couple of hours negotiating a contract to each other in order to prevent us from separating. We meet with our couples therapist who recommended the separation on Wednesday.
So I come back upstairs to my computer to log on to the South Beach Diet website so that I can find a recipe for my ricotta cheese only to discover that I somehow haven't bookmarked the site. I look in my internet explorer history folder trying to find the link and what do I find? A site called CheyenneXXX. I'm saying to myself, what the heck is this.
As I am about to click on the link, my husband comes into the room. "Did you use my computer last week and visit this CheyenneXXX web site?" I ask him. He looks puzzled and is like, "what is that?" So I click on the link and what pops up in my windows media player? Some chick frolicking around naked in a bathtub. So I ask again, "Did you use my computer?" He's like, "well, it just happened once after I took apart my computer..." I'm like, "you used MY computer for PORN?" And he mumbles something about being upset after he broke down his computer and how he confessed this to his sponsor. Whatever.
I must be the dumbest person on the planet. I honestly thought that I didn't need to lock up my computer. I thought he was ready to move past this internet porn craziness. But no, not even.
I'm just too upset to even cry. I keep wondering why I keep trying to salvage a marriage to someone who I cannot trust and who is addicted to looking at women on the internet while neglecting his wife. What am I doing? So what, we love each other. Is it worth it to put up with this crap?
I called him a lying piece of crap. He says, "no, I'm an addict."
Oh, so that gives you a get out of jail free card, does it? That makes it all better, huh? I don't think so.
What the heck am I doing here?