Thanks everyone for your support.I do hope it gets better and easier oneday i just miss him so much that i tell myself it's easier if i get back to him,somehow i kind of block all the ugly things he did to me. I like the write them a letter idea,i probably will be writing him a letter every hour . I will keep working on my recovery,Melody Beattie books is a major element in my recovery as there's no coda meetings now available.