StarCat

I hope this thread isn't closed - I'm sorry.

It's just that the feelings of being manipulated and constantly corrected are way too raw and new. The posts from sailorjohn were bringing up all the old feelings - G has labeled himself as a "codependent" (which may be true as far as others are concerned, but not his relationship towards his family), uses all the psychobabble, and is constantly talking about how my parents are the real ones to blame and how he's trying to "help me" work through things and why won't I just recognize that.
I know you meant well, sailorjohn... Please realize that I do know I can't change him, and I am taking steps to work on myself, but he is so manipulative that every time I come up with one answer he tries to call me and tell me how I'm doing it wrong. And now here I found something that is really helping me come to terms with what I've lived through these past four years, and especially the past six months, and it felt like you were telling me all about how I was doing it wrong, and this is where I go to try and find sanity away from all that.
My refuge was threatened, and you sounded just like him. I'm sorry, I did overreact, and that is a genuine apology too, not just an "I'll apologize so you stop yelling at me" sort of thing like I've become so proficient at with G.

I just needed to take some time to distance myself from what was setting me off for awhile... On the plus side, I finally did make that call to the psychologist, which was something I kept putting off. (Every time I looked I started to get so depressed I just tabled it for later).

Trying to breathe, trying to unwind and relax... I'm working through things, but I am still so unstable, ever since I saw him Sunday, and now ever since I know he's getting out this coming Sunday. I have one full day left before everything gets infinitely more difficult.


On the plus side, I have taken some steps to remove him/his influence from my life:

• He does not have the keys to the apartment at all any more. His name is not on the lease, nor did he change his legal address to match mine, so he has no claims to the apartment whatsoever.
• My apartment complex is huge, so I have about 5 square miles where I can park my car - he is not desperate enough to look everywhere.
• My cell phone blocks all numbers that do not show call waiting, as well as his work number. I can block his home number as well if I have to, although I am trying not to for now.
• My cell phone has the sorts of protections you'd add for a child now, which means I can restrict it from all calls excluding a select few numbers during portions of the day. Currently it blocks all incoming and outcoming calls overnight, but the hours can be changed to whatever I want (including 100% of the time).
• I have the local police and the work psychologist on speed dial. I will add my psychologist as soon as I have a meeting with him - they're working on fitting me in tomorrow, I am waiting for a call back.

Unfortunately we work at the same place, so he may try to cause a scene, but my building is on the other side of the street, I have moved from my office so he does not know my seat, and it's rare enough for him to be over here unless there's a big event going on that someone will notice and everyone who recognizes him will watch him (imagine someone really high up in management stopping by your workplace for a surprise visit - their reaction will be similar).
Also, since I can't block him on my work phone, I could get him fired for workplace harassment if he fails to respect my requests to stop calling me. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that, but as long as I document everything properly I could get him fired in a second. The company is scared to death of going to court for things like this.

His cell phone is currently on my cell phone plan, and I pay for it. I have four options for this... I could continue as is, I could split his phone from mine and have it sent to his house again (we combined plans to save money), I could cut off service to his phone (this would be vindictive - I shouldn't, but it's fun to think about), or I could pay $10 per month to have the phone tracked via GPS so I'll always know where his car is (and hence, where he is, since he drives everywhere - again, I'll only do this if I feel threatened by him, and if someone I trust with this sort of situation feels it's the best thing to do).


At any rate, I should probably steer clear of here (and people in general) for awhile, right now I have way too many buttons that are oh so easy to push. I'm just bracing for the storm that I am sure will come Sunday once G is released.