de·ni·al /dɪˈnaɪəl/ –noun An unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable. "At most she has felt buzzed from the alcohol but this is after 9 or 10 drinks."
Dude, God bless you and welcome to SR, but your entire post is practically the textbook definition of an alcoholic. What normal person of any size consumes 9 or 10 drinks in one sitting? No normal person. Only alcoholics do this.
Take care, spend some time reading the sticky posts above, examine how and why you found this website in the first place, and revisit your idea of what is, and what is not, an alcoholic.
Take what you want and leave the rest,
Cyranoak
P.s. You and I both know that alcoholism exists at a higher percentage than "regular society" in the law enforcement community. In addition, you are probably exposed on a regular basis to people much further along in their alcoholism (citizens) and/or who are high-functioning alcoholics (co-workers), and this may be clouding your judgement relative to your personal life and this woman who you love. This is not just hot air-- I know this from personal experience over a period of 10 years.