Back Again
I haven't been on this forum for over 2 years...I was in a very dark place. After over 15 years of trying everything I could think of to stop my AH drinking, it finally it came to me that I couldn't control it. He has to be the one.
We moved house (away from many of my friends) as he said it would all be better when we lived in the area of his choice. I was happy with that as the location was good for me business-wise. However, within 3 days of moving into what he considered to be the perfect home in the perfect village (less than a 5 minute walk to the nearest shop selling booze!) he was drunk. And has remained drunk most of the time we've been here, 9 months.
He binges, gets ill - DT's, the works, - then remorse and then is the man I married...for all of a week or two. Then the cycle starts again.
I was dreading Christmas but apart from a minor breach on one day, he's was great. We had a lovely time but now the pattern is starting again and I don't know why.
I can just about cope with the occasional lapse but it's the constant lying I can't tolerate. If he's going to drink at least have the courage to admit it. But again I know that is never going to happen. His health is suffering and he's constantly told by doctors that he's killing himself but he thinks he's in control.
I'm between a rock and a hard place. Basically my business has suffered because of him in one way and I'm deeply in debt. So now I'm financially dependent on him as he has a good pension and we own our home. I can't afford to leave but staying is driving me slowly insane.
Sorry to just rabbit on about my problems but I felt the need to share my thoughts or I'd explode!