This thread was just what I needed this morning. I am starting out for about the five hundredth time, trying to get sober and stay that way. It's impossible for me, I've tried it again and again. Sometimes I've stayed sober for several years. I always have gone back. I have this huge sense of shame that I've not been able to stay sober, and it makes it hard for me to reach out to others, especially in AA. I also have no confidence at all that it's going to work this time. But, I'm going to do it anyway, because the alternative is so horrible and bleak. Thanks for this thread reminding me that this powerlessness is part of the disease. I am powerless over alcohol even when I've been sober a long time. I need a power greater than myself if I want to stay sober, and I do. So, now to find that power quickly...