>>>I was diagnosed with major depression early in sobriety and recently BPD. I have had lots of different meds and truthfully not one of them have been effective, except to help to sleep. I have been seen two psychiatrists for the last couple of years and a therapist.<<<
I'm in my 20th year of sobriety and have dealt with depression since the beginning. Five years ago I had a breakdown and,thanks to a wonderful psychiarist and psycho-pharmacologist, have been pretty good. Until a month ago. I became seriously depressed again and, once again, my doctor added meds.
What I've learned is that getting to meetings and talking to other alcoholics makes everything so much better. I'd much rather isolate but then I have only myself to blame for feeling awful. Because when I go to meetings and talk, I feel just fine.
Push your doctor to try other medications.... finding the right meds can make a huge difference.
Regarding your kids, you're powerless over them. I suggest putting the focus on yourself for a while, feeling better, staying sober.