Call the AA hotline, call your counselor, call to find out about inpatient rehab - just DO SOMETHING to stop this cycle before something terrible happens to you or your kids. We cannot really 'help' you other than giving the same suggestions over and over.
You have to make the effort to change.
You have to
do something to help yourself. Perhaps find an AA meeting tonight and go there. What better way to start the new year off right than by
doing something to help yourself. You
cannot continue as you're doing right now. Something will happen that you'll regret and will not be able to 'undo'. PLEASE GET REAL HELP NOW!!
starting tomorrow i'm gonna try not to drink
Don't start tomorrow, start TODAY!!