Pink, you are not the scum of the earth. You are here for one of two reasons: you want help, or you want to vent. Either way, you are reaching out. It's up to you whether you want to truly stop or not. You could get a million responses to this post but none of it will matter unless you really are seeking for help. Everyone who posts wants to help you, but you have to want to help yourself first. Otherwise none of this is *going* to help.
You mentioned in your previous post that you are seeing a counselor every three weeks. May I suggest that you call your counselor and see if you can bump that up to more frequent visits?
If you don't want to do AA, then call North Central Health Care. They have out patient alcohol counseling as well as inpatient. That may scare you, but really, what do you have to lose? Give it a shot.
You can be so much more sober than you are drunk. Keep that in mind dear.