Pink - we choose to drink because we're alcoholics. Alcohol causes depression, anxiety, takes away our sense of self, destroys relationships, and causes untold misery in our lives. Yet we continue to drink. That's addiction.
If we don't stop, it only gets worse. The only way to stop the pain is to stop the drinking, and if you can't stop on your own, please get help. Like Dee said, there are lots of options, including inpatient treatment. But it requires action on your part. I hope you do something soon.