Originally Posted by
Violet3 
He recently got wasted and drove drunk. I am struggling with what I want to do.
I've always been clear that this is his problem that he needs to fix for himself so I have left it to him to succeed or fail.
We've already done the marriage counseling thing the last time. I was very clear that this behavior was a deal breaker at that time. My problem now is I don't want to be financially and legally entangled with someone who is driving drunk, not when it puts my daughter at risk. Nor do I want to live with someone who isn't honest with themselves or me about their problems.
V
Lots of good posts already. I just wanted to highlight this because, in my life, I let go of one small boundary after another. If I accepted
a, then
b was just one tiny step over so it made no sense to get in a tizzy over that. Then came
c, which was just one more tiny step over..and then all the other letters. I came to
Z and wondered what the hell happened. I was accepting, overlooking, tolerating, and going along with things that I wouldn't have thought possible in my wildest dreams back when I made the concession on
a.
So apparently drunk driving is not a deal breaker because you are still dealing. You do not want to live with someone who isn't honest with themselves or you about their problems but you are indeed living with someone that is dishonest with himself and you.
I'm not highlighting that to advise you on your relationship. I'm highlighting it to encourage you to really think about your boundaries and values. Define them and then continue to think about how you will protect them. That doesn't mean you can't change them - but you should do it with thought, not with reactions or lack of them. Does that make sense?