transformyself

So my business partner who I recently realized is a narcissist, went on vacation and left me with a to do list regarding sales.

Before i started on it, an attorney friend of mine called to say he would never advertise in our paper again, and refused to work with my partner. He told me he will work with me, that he trust me and knows I'm a good person but she's unstable. She made a scene in my office, he said, was yelling, my partner had to come in and shut her up. Everything is about her, he said, she's going to destroy your business.

I was a bit freaked out to hear this, as I have been struggling with how to deal with her. She is demanding, she talks down to me like i"m child, accuses me of doing everything she does and then rages at me if I try to talk to her about her behavior. Until someone here schooled me on narcissists, I was utterly baffled and to be truthful, have been doubting that diagnosis since. Trying to figure out how to just not make waves.

Then, I started making the follow up sales calls from the list she gave me. I called the first client, per her instruction, to tell him I would come pick up a check (and a huge one) for full payment for his ad. He was confused and told me the following:

He coudln't afford the ad and had been telling my partner this.
She was so aggressive that she woudn't listen.

He sounded like he'd been bullied into agreeing to place an ad. My attorney friend is right. She will destroy our business.

There will be no telling her this. No convincing her to STFU and be less of a domineering monster to people.

Funny thing is, three people called me to place ads while she's been going. It was a struggle for me to sort out how to process them, but I did so WITH them. Based on their needs and budget. I made up half of the lost ad from that first guy that pulled his in one day, without bullying anyone.

Now, I"m not a sales person. Not aggressive in that way. I feel like working within someones budget is an honorable thing to do, not bully them into agreeing to spend more than they an afford. The first client I called who withdrew his half page color ad told me that when he said he coudln't afford it, she said, you can't afford not to. And that she was more like a man in a womans body, whatever that means.

I'm going to disconnect emotionally from this issue. Look at it strictly as business. I need to make a decision-will i find other work? Or find a way to buy her out?

Funny thing is, I'm in the same position with my AH. He actually texted me yesterday saying, "at some point we need to talk about us." I wanted to tell him, "there is no us, you idiot. There is only me determining how to be financially independant and us taking care of our kids." But I didn't. Why not? Why won't I draw that line?

I think I am on the verge of cutting all the crap out of my life that doesn't serve me. Sure I get something out of each relationship, but the bottom line is both are more destructive and sick than they are helpful and healthy.

I think I should just handle this as business when she gets back. Schedule a meeting after the January issue is distributed and start sorting out how to break up our partnership. If she freaks out on me, she does. I'll just not engage and stick to the business aspect.

I am fighting a lot of financial fear. Can I find another partner? I need staff. I need a freaking stapler in our office. Can I run the newspaper myself? I will need a publisher, need to hire more writers and someone to take over distribution.

I'm not sure why I"m in this state of uncertainty. I feel immobilized by fear. I sort of feel also like I"m tired of making decisions alone-wish I had a loving partner to trust and go to for advice. God I hate even writing that, I sound like a spoiled brat. Normally I'm so strong..