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Old 12-29-2010, 09:13 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
MrsMagoo
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Hi and welcome.

I used to worry about turning my husband out onto the street too. His family had all but disowned him years ago due to drug addiction and he really didn't have any true friends. When I reached MY bottom, after several rounds of treatment/rehab, etc. I told him to go the street. During an earlier seperation, I had signed over the title of his truck to him so that my name would be on it should anything happen. I knew he could sleep in it too if he needed to and he did.

At first he stayed in some camp grounds then I guess, whereever he could. Eventually he ended up in a homeless shelter and detoxed himself. He also got on a list for a homeless veterans shelter that he could live at for up to 2 years (because the VA recognizes that it takes nearly two years for an addicts brain chemistry to return to normal) and it was located 6 hours away. When I found out it was that far, it was relief because I was stressing so much about people seeing him or worrying about running into him or him breaking into the house, etc. He got clean all by himself and has stayed clean now for over a year. We are back together and he is doing really well.

For him, he admits that he had to loose it all - me, our baby, his home, his career, his life, etc. He said that putting him out on the street saved his life but understand, I didn't do it. He didn't do it for me. He did it for himself - when HE was ready. It took me a long, long time to understand that. I thought that by hanging around after treatment and being a good little wife and cheerleader, that I was supporting him and loving him. I about loved him to death. I moved on and he moved on. It's a miracle that we came back together after all the damage that's been done and sometimes I admit, I get weirded out about stuff but it's then that I have to look to my support group, get to a meeting and take care of myself and our daughter.

See, he was going to quit drinking when I got pregnant. Then afterwards. Then came the drugs. Then this or that. They are full of excuses and are master deal makers and manipulators. You have another life you are responsible for (as was I). Don't depend on him for anything. Count on yourself and look at your future. He will find his and hopefully it will be a good one. The best way you can help him is to help him out the door. When he's ready to get clean, he will but it will be in his time, not yours.
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