I agree with all the above. Also, in my family, loved was 'earned.' Nobody ever gave me a hug just because. It was always to do with some accomplishment or task well done. I learned that in order to be loved, I had to do things that made others happy or proud or whatever.
My mother, and all the women in my family, subscribed to the old-fashioned view of marriage. The one where the man brings home the money and the wife does everything else. Even though my husband never fulfilled that role in our marriage, I still tried to fulfill mine. I was trained to believe that it was my job to take care of him. That's what wives do. I felt like a failure if I didn't.
These patterns get burned into the psyche at a very early age. I didn't consciously believe any of it. I am strong, independent, self-sufficient, and attractive. But I still needed to be needed. It's taken a lot of work to discover all this and begin the process of 'unlearning' it.
L