seekingcalm

So, after 5 months of not seeing him or speaking to him, and rebuking his attempts to be in touch at all, I don't know, I started thinking about calling him on Christmas Eve during the day.

I was busy, I had plans, I didn't obsess, I felt good and strong and happy. I prayed about it, and when I woke up on Christmas morning, I just decided to call, just to say Merry Christmas, no expectations, no promises.

I listed to all the questions in my head, but figured, if I wasn't done, I wasn't done, and if I had more to learn, then I'd have to go through whatever I had to in order to learn it. Very calm about the whole thing.

We talked for three hours. He is doing so well; he is living a good life, sober almost 11 months, going to dinner at his sponsor's house on Christmas Day. He is dealing...I was so glad I made that call.

No plans to speak or see one another again, just good feelings all around. Leaving the future up to my Higher Power. But I have loved this man for so long, and no one makes me laugh the way he does. He gets who he is, and what he has done, and where he has come. I suppose he just seemed more self-aware than he ever had before.

I asked him if he loved himself...he didn't just say what I wanted to hear, he spoke from his heart...he has come a long way. He thanked me for the role I have played in his life in getting him where he is today.

I love him very much, but I love myself enough to want to continue to live alone, and the rest of it, I just don't know. For once in my life, I don't have to know. I feel peaceful.

Thank you for listening.