sazza

Hi all,

I don't post often, mainly because it's hard to get on the computer with the kids around.

Where do I start? Well I'm an alcoholic, I am 121 days sober. I don't attend AA for professional and personal reasons that I can't go into. I attend both my gp and weely therapy. I suppose I'm trying to assure you all that I am serious and committed to my recovery and it's just that right now I am finding it very difficult.

Every christmas tradition for me is drink-related and this is my first sober christmas in a long time. Last night I really wanted to drink and it was for the first time in my recovery a very serious "want". I wanted to drink, I wanted that bottle of wine in my hand and a glass in the other. I wanted to get smashed.

God, it's such a relief to just write that down.

I didn't though. I didn't do it. All I could say to myself was "I will not drink tonight" Am saying the same thing to myself again tonight.

Sorry, I know I am being rather long-winded here, but already I feel a bit better for just writing it down.