I think, ninja,
that even though there are those who have fully recovered their releationships
after alcoholism
they are far too few and far between
to constitute a large contribution group here at SR.
I agree that it's a process...
and different posters
are at different stages
in their own process.
It may well appear
that there's a bias
that makes it look like people here
advise others to leave the relationship...
but I think what may not be coming through
(what's getting lost in the translation)
is the simple truth
that unless WE get healthy...
nothing else will be.
And more often that not -
we have to become healthy...
without the drama.
And that takes a period
of solitude.
The other factor is -
once people work things out -
few keep returning to SR for support.
So they may be 'out there' all better and living the dream -
but we can't know because they're not here talking about it.
I'm re-developing a relationship with my sons
that was cut off for fifteen years.
I call that a success story.
It's an ongoing thing, however.
And it's a mine field of triggers
that we have to take apart
one at a time.
I hope that perspective helps.
For myself
I can say without hesitation
that I would never advise a woman
to stay in a relationship
in which she is in danger.
Or in which she is in possible danger
without pointing the potentiality out for her.
That's not going to change.
As for the ones
who keep going back
and keep going back
sometimes I can take it
and sometimes I can't.
For me, the only thing I'm pre-judging
is MY capacity to ride it out.
ANyway, I hope something in here helps!