Thank you all so much for the responses.
To answer a few questions, no I have not attended Al-Anon yet, but think it might be a good idea.
He has been in AA for a total of 3 years, but lapsed and is now coming up on his 1st anniversary for the 2nd time. (I know relationships in the first year usually have issues, but since he has been in AA for 3 years, is this still considered his first year because he lapsed?)
I agree that cheating and alcoholism ate 2 different issues. He did not cheat on me. He actually broke up with me before anything may have happened with his old girlfriend (she is 400 miles away).
(These are just a few of the typical byproducts of alcoholism: infidelity, emotional abuse, manipulation, financial irresponsibility, etc). I have not experienced any of these things with him which is why his actions seem so "not like" him. Even his sponsor is surprised at his actions. His advise to me was to let his chase whatever he thinks he is chasing, but in the mean time, I need to take care of me. I know that its sound advise...just easier said than done.
Its funny, people in support groups have called me co-dependent (I am a very independent woman), they have called me a stalker (I have actually cut all contact with him), just because I have said I love this man and am willing to give him the time he needs to sort his emotions out. Maybe I am a bit crazy for willing to do this, but some people, regardless if they are recovering or not, are simply worth the wait...I happen to think he is.
He has offered me everything in a relationship that any woman could want or ask for when we were together, and not that this makes sense, cause it makes no sense to me, I do understand when he tells me he has to follow his heart or he will hate himself (regarding his old girlfriend). We all tend to follow our hearts, sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't.
I just want to be supportive of him (of course to a point as I am not going to set myself up to be hurt again) and I want him to know that I will be here for him no matter what. Sometimes, I think that my being as independent and financially stable as I am overwhelms him just a bit...I dunno!
But again, thank you all for the information, insight and help. I will take the route of wait and see and as you suggested, I will hold on tight to see what happens.
Best Wishes to you all for a happy holiday season