yorkiegirl

As in everything, life for me, is a "process." Many of us here deal with various forms of addiction as a loved one of an alcoholic/addict or as an alcoholic/addict (and I think most people here are very "honest" and "genuine" about it). I have seen some "successful" recovering A families over the years (lots of addiction in my family & my husband's). I personally would avoid using "recovered." I don't know if any human being on this planet is "recovered" from anything. (Our world the way it is is one filled with "addictions" --both loosely & clinically speaking.) As human beings, we are (or have the potential to be) always growing, healing, recovering, developing. . . Success looks different (and means different things) to different people. Some claim they are "successful" but don't seem successful to me. Others of you may see me as not successful in my own recovery. I see non-alcoholic families who could use various "emotional recovery" even if they aren't dealing with effects of addiction (be it substances or behavioral). My parents have been married for over 50 years. My father has been sober most of my life (with maybe three or four relapses total). My parents believe they are "successfullly" recovered (although they'd never use those terms because one does not need to recover if one never really had a problem). My father's last relapse was 25 years ago. My parents love each other very much and I do believe truly did their best to raise my sibling & I the best they could, even though things were emotionally rough (and I spent years being angry & resentful). They see themselves as "successful" and others often see them as "successful." In fact, when my father went to an AA meeting "in support of my husband's recovery" several months ago for the first time in his life, a drug counselor who was in attendance heard my father's story and said, "Well, you probably aren't really an alcoholic." (My dad is pretty proud he kicked drinking without any program or anything & sort of looks down on AA as a place where "weak" people go. He never says that, but I sort of feel that from his comments here and there). I would not consider my parents' emotionally sober. But. . . I am learning to accept & appreciate how they feel about themselves. If they feel they are "successful," then perhaps I need to honor that.

In my case, I would like to see "healing" and "recovery" as lifelong. As long as I am working on healing, I think that puts me in the "success" camp. Do I fail along the way? (yep, sure do!). . . but I pick myself back up and ask to be guided by the Universe/my Higher Powers to keep working on myself. My husband is *only* 9 and a half months sober (& in recovery). However, I think that's amazing. Will he relapse? I don't know. I hope he doesn't. First, I try really hard "not to go there." (But as you can see, I do. . . my own madness at work!). If he ever does, at least I will now know that my formerly very *active* alcoholic husband is capable not only of abstinence from alcohol but capable of working a recovery program. That is a gift!

For me, it is very liberating to accept that life is not so much about "happily ever after." There are mountains to climb, rivers to cross, oceans to swim, storms to weather, flowers to smell & pick, and so on. I want to live the best life I can and work on being a better person (whatever that means). That's success, to me! Even with all of my shortcomings, mistakes, insanity, and failures, I think I am a success! Or at the least, I am striving to be an *emotionally successful* person, mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend, family member, colleague. . . (I have achieved in my professional life).

Yes, you might see a built-in bias of those who come to this site. Some of us post. Some never post, just read and lurk. Others are active and then become inactive. It's probably tough to get a full picture of "recovered/recovering" people just from this forum, assuming you've read every single post, analyzed it, interpreted your analysis and followed each person over time, etc. . . Everyone here is *potentially successful.*

All I will say is that I learn so much from very wise people here whom I would consider very successful in their recovery.