Lilac, I went back and read through some of your other posts. You've gotten some great advice and you claim to understand it. There is never any clear indication of why you thought you relapsed each time. The obvious answer is that you're an alcoholic, but there are usually SOME kind of warning signs. In this case, did you expose yourself to a risky situation with alcohol around? Was there some stressful event? A resentment against a person or situation? Had you been dry long enough to get over the withdrawal symptoms? Give us some more info.