Make me stop!
I can feel myself start to obsess (ha...that's a joke. I'm not STARTING to, I AM). I checked our cell phone records tonight (yes...we still have a joint contract) to see where our minutes were. Apparently, my estranged AH has started calling a new number. The calls started the same day that he showed up hung over to pick up our kids and they end with a picture message from about 30 minutes ago. Only one reason a man gets picture messages (or maybe just my AH since this is what clued me in on his affair).
I know I'm not thinking with a clear mind. I'm feeling really angry with him right now because he is behind on monthly payments for his expenses & child support (to the tune of $3200), has spent $2K on unnecessary stuff for himself in the past two months and is generally ignoring my phone calls. He called me tonight all bummed out because he feels like a loser dad who can't buy his kids anything for Christmas (well...take back the golf clubs or the compound bow) I think this is also bringing up my anger about the affair again because of the picture message. In addition, I am feeling angry because he, as recently as TODAY, gives me no end of grief about the fact that I was dating.
I am feeling that anger inside me that wants to pin him in a corner and catch him in a lie. But the other part of me is trying to tell that crazy codie that I want PEACE from this madness. UGH!!!! I keep reminding myself that I can't control someone else's behaviors. I can only control my reaction to their behaviors. But it doesn't seem to be working tonight. I'm so tied up emotionally because of the holidays and such, I can't seem to keep a level head about this!