My AH is aging me too! I must say I think I've turned a big corner ... I seem to have learned enough tools through Alanon to not cry/stress/loose sleep/eat too much/look frazzled/isolate myself/sacrifice my job/ on-and-on!
Survived Christmas Eve and endured his subtle cheap shots so far. His Mom is staying with my parents tonight and during a visit with her - out of the blue, he announces we are going to marriage counseling. I smiled and agreed and asked him what brought this up and he smiled "I don't have any secrets" - like trying to be such an honest son to his mother. Sh*t - what he failed to state was that he relapsed before Thanksgiivng and has been drinking since then - including today! Lied to me and caught him in 3 major lies. We argued - marriage counseling was initiated by our "lack of intimacy" - now that he's drinking again ... he's not "satisified" ... too infrequent for him (omg!). You bet it's infrequent, been that way for years - I feel like he's ruined my libido. Anyway ... I'm feeling pretty damn proud that I didn't blurt out to his Mom that he's drinking again: not my business and not my concern. By not responding, I took the power out of the situation. His Mom will find out soon enough; I will not be manipulated anymore.
Didn't cause it, can't control it and CAN'T cure it!
I'm rambling ... your post just truly rang home: we don't have to react and we don't not have to allow them to control the situation.
You've had some great advice about changing your locks ... I hope I'm close to having a peaceful home soon. Thanks for your post!