Hi Maryjan and welcome to the board!
Please set down your recriminations and walk on. I remember the day I stopped drinking. I felt terrible, sick, ashamed, hungover, and low-spirited... possibly one of the lowest points of my life. But ironically, as low as I felt, deep down there was every reason to be happy -- I had laid the demon to rest. As someone wisely suggested here, giving up alcohol often requires a change in attitude toward alcohol. You have to want to give it up more than you want to have it. Once I started perceiving alcohol not as the elixir of youth and happiness (as in happy hour!) but an agent of physical and social destruction, it became easier to stop it. Good luck and have a great new year.