Enough is enough
Hello there,
I've been lurking for a bit and reading up on some of the inspirational stories and amazing support that flows so freely from this forum. i think you all are so brave.
I've been abusing alcohol most of my adult life. I'm 34, and after yet another failed relationship i think i've finally had enough. Boyfriends (and one husband) walking out, the disappointed looks on peoples faces, the fact i hide away with my "dirty little secret", the missed days of work, the wasted weekends on the couch too hungover to do anything else. I've kidded myself for so long that what i do is normal - and its not. Everyone else around me seems so happy and I walk around feeling so rubbish.
My problem with my binge drinking is that i can get really abusive to people closest to me and even strangers in the street. How i've managed to get this far without being hurt or worse is beyond me. I know this stems from underlying issues, but for the life of me, i dont know what those issues are. Happy childhood, great job, yadda yadda.
I've just recently failed in another relationship largely due to this abusive behaviour and I'm already divorced once because of it. I feel like its groundhog day all over again. i really really want to have a happy healthy life with happy healthy relationships with loved ones, friends and family. And right now, i'm just not hitting that mark. After blaming everything, i have come to the conclusion that the blame lies in one place, and one place only, and thats with me.
Ultimately i want to say that stopping drinking was the best thing that ever happened to me. Whilst i acknowledge that its too late to save my relationship, its hopefully not too late to save me.
What a time to hit rock bottom. Sober Christmas here I come. *gulp*.
You guys are great and i admire everything your doing. i havent engaged with an AA support group as i want to try and solo method first.
Keep up the good work everyone and hoping you have a very happy and healthy Christmas.
DueSouth+1