Originally Posted by
freefalling 
Dear Lostfamily
How old are the kids? Mine are now (after 16 rehabs) saying that they want to wait a bit before they see him. They are 9, 17 and 19. They use their own voices. And I respect it now. Regretfully I have to add that I forced visitations with them before- when they were not ready to see him. I chose to rescue him rather than the children.
If they are younger it is more difficult as you must be their voice. All I can say from my experience is that visitation or not cannot keep the alcoholic sober. It cannot be used as motivation. Nothing can - but for her wanting to get better for herself.
Maybe work with her therapist.
Sorry for your dilemma
Hugs
I also chose to protect my grown alcoholic wife at the expense of my minor child for several years. I hope you are able to save yourself this shame and guilt. Protecting kids from their own mother defies logic.
My daughter had a therapist who gave me the advice to not force contact, mainly phone contact in our situation. I'm glad I took his advice and let LMC use her own voice at 6yo.
In my experience a mother's love was NOT enough to keep my axw sober.
How old are your children? Do they go to therapy? Do you? I believe it was very beneficial for LMC and myself. This is all just too hard without outside support.
If you focus on what's best for your children instead of what your alcoholic wife wants, these difficult decisions should become easier.
FWIW I believe you are doing a fine job so far.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote