Dear lostfamily,
It is better to build children rather than to repair adults!
The people hurt most by drugs and alcohol don't even use them; they are the
CHILDREN of alcoholics and other drug dependent parents. It's the innocent children (1 in 4 under the age of 18) who suffer when their parents abuse alcohol and other drugs. The worst part is, they can't help themselves. The National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA) believes that none of these vulnerable children should grow up in isolation and without support.
Children of alcoholics experience daily turmoil, violence, and trauma during the time when most children are carefree, and during the critical time when identity is formed. As a result, they experience life differently from other children, and often have difficulties in school and with social relationships. Children of alcoholics have to grow up too quickly, and often take on the role of a "parent" both within the home and outside of it. They take on an excessive amount of responsibility by trying to be the peacemaker.
According to Drugs and Society by Glen R. Hanson et. al, there are 28.6 million children of alcoholics in the United States, with 6.6 million being under age the age of 18. Later in life, they will be known as Adult Children of Alcoholics, a label with its own characteristics.
They often have difficulty forming trust. Alcoholic homes are battle grounds where arguing is constant, and this can have a severe impact on the children who witness it. They feel anger towards their alcoholic parent as well as towards the sober parent for being unable to stop the alcoholic parent from drinking. They feel an excess amount of guilt and embarrassment, as they blame themselves for their parent's or parents' drinking. Subsequently, children of alcoholics are more likely to have depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and often have difficulty making friends, and tend to be loners. They have difficulty coping, and are more likely to be aggressive, violent, and impulsive, and to take part in delinquent behaviors. Children of alcoholics are perfectionistic and overly self-conscious, and can develop phobias. Young children of alcoholics often exhibit excess crying and bed-wetting, and have frequent nightmares. They feel that they are different from other children, and that they have no one to talk to.
It is important to get your children help. Support groups and therapists will help your children develop healthy self-esteem and coping skills. It is critical that you get help for yourself as well. Alcoholism affects everyone in the family, and it does so for life.
While accurate, age-appropriate information and skill building help children of alcoholics immeasurably, perhaps the most important gift is the bonding and attachment children attain in healthy relationships with the caring parent. You have the opportunity to build trust with your children. As children learn to trust, they learn to feel good about who they are and what they can become. They develop the ability to make better decisions, which helps them to exercise control over their environment. Children build strengths and resilience as a result of the conscious modeling provided by a caring parent.
Check out the
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA). www.nacoa.net The website is full of helpful articles on children of alcoholics.
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix