...and you already know that. That's why you are getting divorced. Expecting him to be anything other than that, children or not, and trying to get him to do what you want him to do is a complete waste of your energy. Has it every changed anything? Does guilt and anger get him to do anything?
I ask because your story sounds so similar to mine with my wife. I was feeling crazy because I was crazy. I would actually try to reason with an alcoholic! I actually thought I could guilt her into being a good mother and/or being sober. Good God.
May I suggest that you find and attend at least six Al-Anon meetings, some different, and see what is there for you? It saved my life. It can improve yours and, by extension, that of your children. It will certainly help you get on with your life.
As for your husband? Let him go and stop trying to control him, even in the name of your children. He's a grown man, and he'll just have to figure out things on his own, and without you. Rationalizing with him, arguing, and attempting to control his behavior is a monumental waste of time and will just make things worse in my opinion.
It's about you and your kids now, so good luck to you all.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
angelstory 
I usually post on the f&f substance board, but seems there are more spouses on this one! Anyway, my AH is a heavy drinker along with his substance issues, so...
Long story short, he moved out last Friday after a filed a temp order to stay in the home with the kids, etc (part of an overall legal separation filed). He also was given supervised visitation which I set up to occur every other weekend at his parents house. So this is the first weekend on my own. Feels very weird.
He is staying at a friends because at the moment he has no money and not many options. I took the kids to his parents last night and left by 7:00p (AH was not there yet). He stayed until kids went to bed I guess, then left. Today he has been working most of the day. He called me a bit ago to ask about my sister making cookies with my neice and my son was invited. I told him that I felt son should be with him and I had no issue with him missing the cookie thing. Then AH announces that he has plans tonight! So, despite the fact he despises my sister he is probably going to let son go there (which is fine really cause son loves his aunt and likes to dec cookies). I asked what plans and he said a Christmas party. Stupid me couldn't stop there and asked if it was at so and so's house and he said no. Flat. So I dropped it there but couldn't help having a massive rush of feelings!!!
So all week he was chronically depressed, I got a variety of sorted txts from him; "you're selfish, awful" to "goodnight", one night at 4am even sent me a suicidal text! Missed his kids something awful, etc. Yet, now it is a full weekend he could have with them, but he chooses to work during the day today (didn't work much all week it seems -he's self employed), and now has plans tonight!!! I would think a person would cancel plans if they only get so much time with their kids.
I'm sad for my kids.
I'm disgusted at him.
I'm sick in my stomach that despite being a married man (I know, we are separated), that he gets to party at some obscure party. Who knows who or what will be going on there.
I wish I had a party to go to tonight! But I'm choosing to try and get my Christmas shopping done so MY KIDS have a good Christmas.
UGH...I wasn't prepared for this so soon...and hope I have the guts to get on with my life as he seems so happy to do for himself. This has really got me. Why????
Thanks for letting me vent!
AS