Boy do I understand the guilt thing. I would always feel sorry for him and give in. Did it for years.
What helped me is I decided, "Enough!" I need a break. From everyone and everything. And that anytime anyone, not just him, was trying to get some needs met out of me that they could get from someplace else or do for themselves, I can't extend help to that because I need to concentrate on myself for my own sanity. So since ending the relationship, anytime he's tried to get something out of me even if it's just attention, I asked, "Will this stress me out? Will this hurt me?" If the answer is yes, I don't do it. Even a while back he asked me to attend his first AA meeting with him (which I believe was partial manipulation) and the night before I lay in bed not being able to sleep and stressing about it and I realized, "My life has been so calm and I'm already stressed out again...after this I have to keep him cut out." If my ex came to me and wanted to get sober and REALLY commit to a program and counseling, I'd talk to him and help. But as for anything else, I'm staying NC and No help of any kind.
Don't feel guilty. Take care of yourself. No one else will.
Last edited by goldengirl3; 12-18-2010 at 08:00 AM.
Reason: Don't feel guilty. Take care of yourself. No one else will.