I’m so much better now. Exercise is definitely one of my most valuable tools.
I had some time to think in the gym and I was going through a full out fight or flight. My hands were sweating and I was very anxious. I think my anger was a direct result of fear…just pure unadulterated fear, man. Those wine vapors that came that close to my nose as I pretended to drink really took me to a dark place mentally. The peer pressure from these guys really didn’t help my attitude either, it was a total bully move and unacceptable. Thank God I handled this diplomatically.
Regarding what other people would have done is none of my business and I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t even know if I could have done it again given the same variables but I’m glad I don’t have to find out. I have faith in you guys making the right decision. Looking back I think I was just jealous that it would have been so easy for some of you and I’m so not there yet. It was damn difficult for me.
Smacked, I think I may have given you the brunt of that so I do apologize and I appreciate you.
I appreciate the patience, the kindness, and the support that all of you have provided. Man, I am so lucky to have you guys and this site.
Dee , you really opened my eyes. You’re right, I don’t owe anyone an explanation and I think I’m still in the defensive mode from being so used to having to defend things I’ve done wrong that I still feel as if I have to defend the things I’ve done right. That was very much a pearl of wisdom for me to ponder.
What an interesting ride it is to get to know yourself again.