I mean this as gently as possible when I say...
...that regardless of his childhood or history, he is an adult man, not an infant, and to extend your metaphor do you really want to potty train your adult husband? I'm not saying give up on him-- what I'm saying is give him the dignity of treating him like an adult, and holding him responsible for his own behavior as an adult. I may be misreading the tone of your posts, and if so I apologize, but it seems as if you see him as helpless like a child, and perceive yourself less as a wife and more as a mother to him.
My wife had a very, very, very horrendous childhood, far beyond anything I'll every be able to understand or empathize with. How a human being can do to another human being what was done to her boggles my mind. I used to use that to excuse her behavior all through her 30's. Now I understand that regardless of what was, today IS, she is an adult woman, we have a child to take care of, and she is responsible for the decisons she makes and the consequences of them, as I am for me.
It only took me 10 years to figure this out. I don't want to be collateral damage anymore, and I won't be around a drunk anymore-- even when I love the drunk, and I signed up to be husband to her, not her father. Only one person gets to call me Daddy, and I will not expose her to a drunken mother any more than I already have (reminds me I need a cool name for her like Coyote has for his precious daughter-- Little Miss Cyranoak doesn't have the same ring to it, plus it's too derivative).
From ACA you know well to take what you want and leave the rest.
Take care,
Cyranoak