Good for you for sharing with your family. I know that when I did the same, I felt as though I had freed myself of a big burden. I could finally go to them for a little support.
And you're right...you shouldn't have to return things he purchased to get the essentials.
My XAH *always* found ways to justify his purchases, like he "needed" to get a PS3 since it would prevent him from going out to the movies and spending lots (and spending time away from me)....so I HAD to let him get it....yah, right.