"A Family of Chronic Relapsers"
I found out once again my daughter relapsed this past week. This time for a couple of days, not just a one time incident.
A trusted AA friend of mine, who knows our family well said "well she does come from a family of chronic relapsers"
Ouch that hurt - I so don't want her to be like her dad, my ex. I know that is what he is, but I so didn't want her to be defined by his behaviors. She has cried to me "I don't wanna be like my daddy"
But so far, it breaks my heart to say she appears to be.
Maybe that it is why it hurt so much . . .
It doesn't matter how many years of recovery I have, how many times I have been a "speaker", how many people I sponsor, how many times I work the steps, or blah, blah, blah ~ It never takes away the pain of hearing about your loved one going back out.
I know I have to keep on Living, enjoying the blessings that I have (and I do have so many!!!!) and "beef up" my recovery ~ I have to keep on doing the Next Right Thing.
I have to say "NO" to the Ritaville thinking that says
"I mailed her Christmas Card with the check for some extra money for them to help out a little with Christmas, geez I hope she didn't use that money for the relapse"
I didn't send her money a few weeks ago when she relapsed so this relapse has NOTHING to do with me. It's between her, her program and her HP.
I smile on the outside, continue with my Christmas shopping, determined to have a wonderful holiday, enjoying life on Life's terms - Extremely grateful for all the PINKFUL blessings I have - even for my daughter who struggles with an awful disease - and I will not allow this touch of sadness in my heart and tears in my eyes keep me from being Happy, Joyous and Free.
I will not accept the fact that although our relatives are "chronic relapsers" that my daughter is going to be one all her life - I will hold on to the HOPE that one day relapse will not be a part of her world!
Thank you for reading and letting me share my struggles with each of you ~
May you be able to make the choice to make YOUR Christmas and Holiday Season PINKTASTIC!
PINK HUGS,
Rita