Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason. I too was brought up in a very abusive manner. It has really screwed up my life. Now I have a therapist to help handle it. It's a life long process, I think. I do know I need to outlive my abusers. So I try to keep that in mind as far as drinking. But yes, it is very easy to want to escape from all the pain and loss. I stopped all contact with my parents (or donor and birth incubator as I feel they were not parents at all) over a decade ago and it was a good thing to do. I changed jobs, location, phone number... It was necessary. You don't have to engage. There are good people out there, you can find them... It's kind of a "family of choice" thing- which makes more sense to me personally as procreation and family are such arbitrary gambles. You can build your family. You can heal.