Goldengirl3 the only way I was able to deal with people like this was to pity them for the victims they are. Your mom is this way because of her childhood and poor parenting. My grandmother is the same way and it was very hard on my mother. The best thing you could do is break the cycle and don't copy her negative behaviors. But again the only way to deal with people like this when they are family is to treat them like a special needs child. Realize they probably are this way at least partly because of forces beyond their control, its nobodies fault, etc. I'm sorry I hope this doesn't offend anyone its just how I cope with having family members like you describe. Once you start seeing them as a victim of life you can pity them and if they give you crap its like you want to pat them on the head and say "thats nice".