Originally Posted by
goldengirl3 
How many here had a really chaotic childhood?
I know it's part of the reason why I was drinking.
Growing up, my mother was always a distant, abusive, neglectful person. She did nothing but run the bars, bring strange men in the home and rage on me everyday. I really can't remember one happy evening I had when I came home. I don't think she was an alcoholic as I never saw her drunk and have never seen her be able to drink very much, I think she was a very depressed, selfish person with a personality problem.
To make matters worse, our relationship has finally ended this year. Her lack of connection with me is no different than when I was a child. And that's a hard pill for me to swallow.
I don't know how I'm going to keep not drinking.
How do you get over something like that? This is who she is and it will never change. How do you deal with it?
i had a very abusive childhood.
in the end, it just came down to how i reacted to my present day life on whether i would ever get over my past.
I was terribly neglected and had low self esteem, with very destructive tendencies... but the longer i stayed sober, the better i got at putting all that pain to rest.
i hated how much i allowed my childhood family to rent space in my head, but now, for the most part, i've delt with it. i can't change what happend or even how they treat me now, all i can do is control how i react to it all.
so, it's just a choice for me..to live on and do what's right..or to believe everything that my parents told me i was ...a failure...a rotten sack of s#it that was worthless, someone they never wanted around...and someone who was obviously so damaged that nobody would want to be with me or around me.
in my heart of hearts i knew i wasn't a failure or worthless. i knew as an adult, i could either live in the past and die on my knees or move on and get better.
i think as adults when you know better, you have a responsibility to do better. to make the right choices for yourself even when it's hard to.