I spent years (including my entire life, decades) asking. . . "the how's & why's" are great to ask. It demonstrates intellectual curiosity and can lead to problem-solving. . . As much as I am big on being "critical thinkers" and "knowedge = power," when it comes to someone else's addiction, I don't ever want to spend another nano-second, asking "why." It just *is.*
As I've said in a couple of posts, I'm in the "obnoxious stage" post-divorce. And the obnoxious stage includes this general attitude:
I'm tired of wondering about the motivation or reasons or needs behind other people's behavior. I'm completely and utterly ready to let them deal with those things themselves. Me? I will deal with them based on their behavior towards me. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I'm not going to waste my precious time contemplating whether it had a traumatic hatching experience, I'm just going to declare it a duck and go on with my life.
Maybe I'll hit a point where I become more sympathetic again. Right now, I'm not there.