I recall hearing on a talk show years ago how the home should be a "soft place to fall" and safe from the harsh, cold outside world. Of course, to a codie/enabler/savior, it was like, "Yes, that is the kind of home I am going to create!" Perhaps, I had "underestimated" (more like denial) that I had married an active A. (I was determined! I have the warmest, most loving heart. I can do this! I will do this! True love conquers all --even alcoholism & addiction! Yeah right!) Of course, in practice, having an active alcoholic husband with his champion codie wife (that would be me!) in the home was filled with chaos, unpredictability, and tension (and therefore, very unsafe, not to mention very very lonely & emotionally barren). The only thing I remember being able to predict was that my life was unpredictable and chaotic. I'd have Plan A, B, C, & D all ready. . . even with all the planning and anticipation for every back-up scenario "just in case," I was still running around putting out fires and treading water, staying afloat with a ton of weights hanging from my feet. I was applauding myself for being so amazing . . . but every year, I just felt my zest for life, my creativity, and my passion were all being sucked out of me! I was so exhausted. I was also become angrier & more resentful. I was constantly on edge (& feeling like I was becoming emotionally unhinged). It frightens me when I look back at what I did to myself. Of course, back then, I asked myself "Why is he doing this to me? to us?"