My heart breaks for you.
My first son is 23 and is in a long term treatment facility. He is doing very well living in a halfway house and participating in treatment. He did the detox, meetings, detox, meetings, etc. for years but never commitment to an actual program. Now that he has been in one for the past almost 4 months - wow, what a difference.
Now I am onto my 18 year old daughter that was so affected by her brother's drug use that she started doing drugs - mostly pot - the past year.
Today she has agreed to take a drug test and if she does show up, I will soon know exactly what she is doing. I find it hard to believe that it is just pot. Her behavior and rage tells me it has got to be more at this point and time.
It has been a long 7 years for me and my family with my son but if there is one thing I have learned, is that you have to learn how to support their recovery and do that without enabling their addiction.
I know you are afraid for your son - all of us parents are and unfortunately end up enabling them because we think we can save them.
The best advice I ever got that helped me make better choices for my son was from a recovering addict. He told me, the longer I kept my son from feeling the pain of his addiction, the longer I was keeping him from getting the help he really needed. The pain of their addiction at some point will get them into treatment. Whether that be jail or what - that "rock bottom" thing is imperative.
Don't cushion his fall to rock bottom. It will be the hardest thing you ever do but in the end, it is the only thing that will save him.
Obviously, it is easier said than done, or I wouldn't be where I am with my daughter now.
They say addiction destroys families - isn't that an understatement?
I am hoping and praying for you!