I, for one, just realized how much I missed this site and all the wisdom I gained 2 months ago from reading and reading and some posting. Thank you, SR folks, for pointing me in the right direction.
Since we last spoke, I had attended what I thought was an Al-anon meeting that ended up to be an Open AA meeting and I was feeling hurt and resentful. I was scared of my resentments. My boyfriend had stopped drinking and he was refusing AA.
Some folks here thought it was a bad idea for me to reach out to his family members for support. Since I had no other support system, I did anyway.
I'm glad I did. His trusted cousin has been able to have some real conversations with him, and he's admitted that he's an alcoholic. His mom has been able to take him in, so I can live with my son and have detachment and work on my own recovery. It's been a relief.
I can love him from afar, like I said I could.
Like classic alcoholism, it has gotten worse for him. He quit drinking and started again, and this time started telling lies about it. Without doing any detective work, I'd found bottles stashed all over the house.
I have gone to a few Al-anon meetins, still trying to find a good fit. There is one group I felt comfortable with, and I'd like to continue that one. We'll see if the babysitting holds up so I can attend that one. In the meantime, there are other meetings that offer babysitting if I need to do it that way.
I'm feeling strong most days, and some days not so much. I feel lonely and sad sometimes. I feel glad when I see the genuine smiles on my son's face again. I hadn't seen that in awhile.
My ABH is the love of my life. He is the only father my son has ever known. We've been together a very long time. This is hard. Some days I know intellectually what's happening in our relationship dynamic and I can detach from the alcoholism part of it. Some days I'm anxious, scared, and worried.
Thanks for letting me get this out. Again.
