Sean,
No words of wisdom other than you're not alone.
The damn thing is that I have hope for her. I know what she can be like when she works a program. My heart is hanging on to "yesterday" and hoping that future will be just as good. My rational mind realizes that this is just a fantasy. My head is telling me it's time to go. My heart on the other hand is telling me things will get better for her
I have this debate weekly with my therapist. LOL She insists I follow my logical mind if I ever want to recover. The problem for me is my heart runs the show in my life and always has. I used to believe it was God's path....now I don't know what I believe.
I've never heard of this "Love Approach", but something very similar is discussed in that former HBO series "Addiction".
My heart on the other hand is telling me things will get better for her
Is your focus on getting her better, or your marriage being better? Although they are one in the same, I always find myself trying to justify that my intent isn't to "fix" him, his doing well is purely for selfish purposes....LOL When he's sober and the normal person I love and adore, I am happy and alive. I feel ambitious, motivated, grateful and suck it up because I know it's not going to last forever. Most would think I'm a fool (as I often do myself), but all I can do is take it one day at a time because at this point, if he continues down this path, his days are numbered. I know it's not good for me, but when I'm in his arms and feel the deepest sensations of love I think, "if one of us were to die tomorrow, this is exactly how I would want our last day together to be".
I've got a lot of work to do! hahaha
One last thing to add - we DO currently have separate living arrangements. I had no choice. MY insanity became an unhealthy environment for all of us and I couldn't put my kids through it anymore. I couldn't detach from the addiction under the same roof. The
powerful emotions of anger wouldn't allow me to let him experience the negative consequences of his drinking and using cocaine in an effective way. It is most definitely true that the more you get on a person about their abuse, the more it pushes them towards it. It's the only way they know how to cope!