Kudos to you woman! I admire you!! I only wish I could be where you're at!!! My AH still frequently gives me glimpses of the man he used to be and we still share a lot as best friends, lovers and parents; but the addict always manages to pop back in to remind me he's there. This disease sucks and IMO, the only reason anyone would judge you is out of a lack of their own self-esteem.
I always tell my daughter the reason bullies pick on kids in school is usually because they're insecure and unhappy in their own lives and they generally choose to attack those they are jealous of. I'm pretty sure the same thing applies here.
Everyone handles things differently and if you're 20 steps ahead, people may say something is wrong with you only because they're not where you're at and ultimately the problem lies within them - they just don't get that.
Originally Posted by
lillamy 
I think when you've been married to a person who is an active alcoholic for that many years, you've already grieved the person they used to be (the good person you fell in love with and married), and you've probably also grieved the person they turned into. And harsh as it sounds, by the time they actually die, not only do I think you could be done grieving -- it could actually feel like a relief, and an event that finally releases you from the responsibility of caring for them, and gives you the ability to go on with your life.
MOST DEFINITELY!!!!