Thanks for all the replies. Artsoul, you sound almost exactly like me when I was drinking(little over 10 days ago). Except for sneaking and pretending to be sober(I just didn't need to do those in my situation), it seems we have a lot of things in common when it comes to drinking. Also, I guess I just chose my bottom when I was totally sick of feeling like crap everyday and calling out of work making up a stupid excuse. I'm basically taking leave from work and putting myself through an intensive outpatient program and going to 1 or more AA meetings everyday. I already feel better, getting ready to join a gym again, and I'm just glad to have you guys and gals here to talk to. A guy said tonight in AA that he's actually glad he became an alcoholic in some ways, so he would actually learn how to live his life with much more meaning. He's an oldtimer in AA and when he said that, it really hit home. When I start something, I usually go headfirst and fullspeed ahead. Anyway, if I put half the effort into recovery as I did my drinking, I think I'll be alright. Thanks for letting me speak. Talk soon..........