In therapy I have found the answers of these questions and many more. I learned to be abandoned plain and simple. Please seek a therapist! Otherwise you may find yourself with someone similar only with a different body. That has happened to me many times. Its not worth it... only after therapy work have I felt worthy enough to take care of myself and expect respect from others.. basic plain respect. And to LEAVE RIGHT AWAY whenever I find someone toxic on my path (that's work in progress but at least I no longer want to marry them!).
Anyone who abuses another person is sick whether they drink or not. There is much more to this life than suffering. Life is not suffering. Another thing I learned in therapy - life is to be ENJOYED. What a concept!