Thank You for the reply, Pelican.
I went to AA meetings with her to try and understand AA's roll in her life. In hindsight I should have gone to Alanon once these problems surfaced.
You ask important questions, and I agree I have to look inside myself.
When we started to date I stressed that truth was VERY important to me. As we fell in love I asked her never to lie to me. I also stressed that if we were being intimate and exclusive I didn't want past boyfriends "in the wings", remnants of old relationships emerging from the shadows, etc. I explained I'd been burned by that in the past and couldn't tolerate it. We agreed leaving ex-lovers in the past was important to both of us.
Ironically she lied from the very beginning and kept her married man "on the hook".
Why did I continue to date her?
She was divorcing a sociopathic husband when I met her, had a 3yr old daughter... and I guess I was trying to be the White Knight. She was sexually abused as a young girl. I suppose I wanted to be the best guy she ever met. I understood she had alot to deal with from her past and I thought I could help.
In the process I guess I lost perspective (love is blind?). She had alot of qualities I looked for in a mate all my life. Wonderful qualities. But I'd never dealt with anyone who could be so together in some aspects, yet have so many problems in others. She was very adept at deflecting blame, denying, and willing to lie repeatedly. Anything except admit to a problem and dealing with it. I suppose I wanted to believe she could change if I just gave her a chance. She goes to a psychologist. In hindsight I suspect she lies to him as well.
I've been trying to look inside myself for answers and not dwell on her and her problems. (It seems I've been dwelling on her behavior for a long time.) I agree that the answers have to come from within me as to why I held on, why I tolerated lies when trust is so very important to me. I appreciate your input and would welcome any input with regard to resources for helping me look inside myself for the answers. Thanks.