Dyeman -
First of all, you didn't give yourself shingles! It is a virus that lives on after you have chickenpox. It lies dormant for years and it can pop up in anyone - stressed or not. It is horribly painful and definitely not what you need right now.
What you do need is to take a very deep breath. You must be at the point where even breathing is tough to do. Go take a walk. Get away from him for a while. Go for a drive. Give yourself some down time so that you can start to think more clearly. Try and take one problem at a time. Baby steps. I have been where you are and know how I felt. It really helps to untangle the knots but you can only do one at time. Pick one knot and work on that first.
Listening to you takes me back to those same exact feelings. I ended up leaving my husband 3 months ago and I feel so much better. I didn't have young children to worry about and I know that makes everything harder. I wish that I had some magic words for you but hope that knowing that someone else cares will help. At this point just take it an hour at a time, a day at a time and try to work on giving yourself some peace and quiet.
Big hugs,
Jo