IndigoMama,
You are dealing with a lot of emotions right now.
I understand all the angst and trying to figure out why he called mom, instead of his wife. Why he wrote to the kids and not to you.
Right now, he is struggling mightily with what addiction has done to him and his life.
If you are an optimist (as I am) you can look at this at growth, because he is strggling with communicating with you. Unable to express his regret at the pain he has caused.
But really, what is important right at this moment is you and your recovery. Have you read Codependent No More? by Melody Beattie? That is a start. Find some AlAnon meetings, they are to support you as someone living with a disease, you will find they understand all your emotions.
Can you come to the meeting online tonight at 9pm eastern? Please come to the meeting and the people there will have much more wisdom to share. You seem so smart and self aware, you can do this.
Beth